ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So many bounce houses so little time
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
