That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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