Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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