He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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