I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I am midnight drunk by noon
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
