that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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