Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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