We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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