Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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