Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
