Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
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I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize