There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
