She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
