The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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