whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
