So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
