i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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