As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
