I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
