do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
