No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
is this the sara with the beer cane?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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