Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
