One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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