We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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