dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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