I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
