She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
