They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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