Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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