ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
