I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
