Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
