So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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