I'm gonna have a badass scar
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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