I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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