I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i think i have two assholes
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
