Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
