have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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