Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
