You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
