Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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