he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
