Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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