Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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