They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
