my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
