I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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