I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
