after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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