dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
