where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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