I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
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Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
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Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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