just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
