Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
50% drunk capacity currently
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
