Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
