Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize