...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
