i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
