so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
