Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
