all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
